Yami: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
by Lizeth
Summary: Congratulations! You're now the proud owner of a YAMI. Want to ensure top performace? Running into troubles? Have questions? Check out this handy dandy manual (you won't be dissapointed).
1. Yami

  


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**Yami (Yugi): Owner's Guide and Maintenence Manual © 2003**

Compiled by Lizeth Hallington @ ww w.geocities.co m/lizeth_hal (take out the spaces)   
Based on series of fics by Theresa Green (id: 416464)   
  


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***** CONGRATULATIONS! *****

You are now the proud owner of a YAMI! To ensure that your self-assured Game King performs to his full potential, please follow the procedures suggested in this manual. 

**TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS**

Name:_ Unknown. YAMI is preferable, but feel free to nickname him "Honeybunny", "Sweet-thang" or "Camille".   
(Note: Injury, physical or spiritual, stemming from usage of said nicknames will not be compensated by the manufacturers. Use at your own risk.)_

Orientation:_ Questionable_

Alignment:_ Dark_

Manufacturers:_ Inverted Pyramids Inc., Valley-of-Kings, Egypt._

Date of Production: _Undisclosed _

Colouring: _Red, Gold, Black and Purple (Silver accessories recommended)_

Height: _5'4" (hair included)_

Weight: _42 kg_

Length:_ Disproportionate to his height_

**INSTALLATION**

To ensure ease of installation, it is recommended that you have a YUGI unit at hand. If you don't... GET ONE. Your YAMI will be hard pressed to function without his "aibou". 

These household items are also recommended:   
- Sunglasses   
- National Geographic magazines (at least 5) 

When you have successfully obtained your YUGI, follow the following procedure: 

1) Open that little package you've received labelled "fragile". Don't worry. There hasn't been a mistake. Your YAMI has merely been compressed to travel-size for your convenience. 

2) Inside, there will be a golden pyramid puzzle. Have your Yugi pick it up and put it on, either using a leather band or an industrial-strength steel chain. 

3) Note: If you open your package to find puzzle _pieces_ instead of a full pyramid... someone wasn't paying attention to the "fragile" stickers plastered all over your package. Make a mental note to sue the logistics company, then give the pieces over to your YUGI. He will be ecstatic. Pull out those National Geographic magazines and settle down to wait. 

4) In the instance of (3), don't fret, your YUGI is an old hand at puzzles and will have the gaudy piece of tat solved in anywhere from 10 minutes to 10 years. In the meantime, you might want to send out a GRAMPA SUGOROKU unit to get him a little golden box (sold at any local Tombs'R'Us) to keep the pieces in. 

5) Once your YUGI has successfully donned the completed puzzle, pull out those sunglasses and enjoy the light show. Your YAMI will magically appear right before your eyes. 

**ASCESSORIES**

Your YAMI comes equipped with a number of cool accessories listed below. 

1) Three tons of hair gel 

2) Leather muscle shirt 

3) Leather pants 

4) Leather dog collar 

5) Leather armbands 

6) _Gold_ armbands 

7) Gold Puzzle (for shipping purposes) 

8) School uniform (blue jacket and pants) 

9) A wide variety of add-on silver buckles 

10) A custom duel-monster deck (with holster) and 

11) A Dark Magician plushie (pretend you haven't seen the plushie or your YAMI might get defensive) 

Note: Some owners have also ordered additional accessories for their YAMI (like handcuffs, feathers, whip, whip cream, and lubricant) but that's a matter of customization and will not be included in a standard YAMI package. 

**FUNCTION SETTINGS**

Your YAMI can perform a spectrum of every-day tasks, some of which are listed below: 

DUELIST

This is pretty much a given. He _is_ the Game King after all. You know that annoying clown at recess who thinks he's God's gift to Duel Monsters? Sic your YAMI on him and you'll never hear from that pretentious bastard again. **satisfied smirk** For better effects, arm him with a KAIBA CORP portable duel disk, but please be aware that that'll only work if his opponent has one as well. 

BODYGUARD

As a _yami_, your YAMI will come with a built-in sense of protectiveness to any he considers friends. Take your YAMI to school and (if he isn't busy protecting his _hikari_) he'll protect you from all those nasty schoolyard bullies. Be sure to keep him in check, though, unless you want to try to explain why the local bullies have all ended up in the mental hospital. 

SPORTS COACH

That's right. You'd never suspect it at first, but your YAMI is excellent at coaching any sport he puts his mind to (so long as he doesn't have to actually _play_). If your team is in a rut in the final leg of the game, he'll suddenly insist that "we'll win this together, or together we'll fall!" and your team is practically guaranteed to win (with minor casualties). 

SHOPKEEPER

Leave your YAMI to mind your family business. He does particularly well in game shops, but he supposedly does just as well in bars and nightclubs. 

PRESIDENT / PRIME MINISTER / KING

Even with his fractured memory drive, your YAMI is still a proficient leader. Give him a problem and he'll tackle it with gusto. If someone's been robbing your treasury/increasing your national debt, your YAMI will promptly chase after the culprit (**coughBAKURAcough**) and bring him down (as long as the culprit isn't in cahoots with a ZORK NECROPHADISU unit... In which case, please send out the cabinet / ministers / priests to back your YAMI up and they'll return him to you _relatively_ unharmed). 

CONFIDENCE BOOSTER

Have your YAMI beside you during any undertaking and bask in his bloated self-confidence... Most of the time, that confidence is justified. 

**COMPATABILITY WITH OTHER UNITS**

Your YAMI will be civil with practically everyone, with a few minor exceptions. Please refer to list below to avoid nasty lawsuits, bloodshed, or shadow-banishing incidences. 

* YUGI - anything from "friendly" to "protective" to "yaoi". YUGI is your YAMI's "aibou", so don't try to tear them apart or your YAMI will malfunction. Carnage will probably ensue. 

* TEA - admiration or annoyance. Keep your TEA in line or you might have to get a restraining order. 

* RYOU - distant friendship and occasional cause for concern. 

* BAKURA - INCOMPATABLE... usually. Unless they've been locked together in a closet or something, in which case you'll find they're _very_ comfortable around each other. 

* JOUNOUCHI - Easy friendship that might lead to... other things... under the right circumstances. Otherwise, your YAMI and JOUNOUCHI will be casual comrades or respected rivals, depending on the situation. 

* HONDA - distant friendship 

* SETO - ANIMOSITY but there's also a grudging respect. SETO is, after all, closest to YAMI in duelling skills. Keeping your SUGOROKU (and that fourth Blue-Eyes card) away from the SETO unit might help lessen the tension between the two. Otherwise, the presence of a watery-eyed YUGI or MOKUBA should also stunt any outward animosity. Because of their similar skill levels, there is a possibility of a more productive relationship between the two. After a while, you'll notice that the SETO is always willing to come back for more punishment. **waggles her eyebrows** 

* PEGASUS - the PEGASUS model will usually try to A) harm YUGI B) take the Puzzle C) prove his superior gaming skills or D) all of the above. Therefore, it would be prudent to keep your PEGASUS on a remote little island somewhere and not let your YUGI open any suspicious looking packages. 

* ISHIZU - annoyance at her vagueness. "Yeah thanks, 'save the world'... no pressure..." 

* MALIK - INCOMPATABLE unless the said MALIK is not armed with a Rod. x_x 

* ISHTAR - VERY INCOMPATABLE. There will be a number of painful duels with various casualties if these two are within 50 miles of each other. Have a RISHID/ODION unit at hand to suppress the appearance of ISHTAR, but once things get set into motion, the best thing you can hope for is damage control 

* MAI - Casual friendship, respect and appreciation. They might've gotten off on the wrong foot, but you'll find that your YAMI and your MAI are pretty supportive of each other. If, on the rare occasion your YUGI unit is pissed off at his YAMI, your MAI will put in a good word for YAMI, therefore putting her in YAMI's good books. 

* SHADI - Paraphrase: "Get out of my room." 

* ZORK NECROPHADISU - VERY VERY INCOMPATABLE. ZORKy is bent on killing your YAMI and will hatch numerous plots to do so. If you find your YAMI has suddenly gone missing after an encounter with a ZORK unit, don't worry, there's still hope. Check down any chasms or cliffs. The ZORK unit might have arranged for a THIEF KING BAKURA unit to drop your YAMI down one. 

**TROUBLESHOOTING & FAQ**

**Q**: I've followed the installation manual to a "T", but when my YAMI manifested, he was _transparent_. What do I do?! 

**A**: Hire your local fanfic author. I'm sure they can fix your little see-through problem with one hand tied behind their back... free of charge, even. 

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**Q**: Do I _have_ to get a YUGI unit? Shouldn't we be warned of that fact _before_ purchasing? 

**A:** ...And you're complaining about having to get a YUGI... why? 

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**Q**: I checked the coloration of my YAMI, and I'm sure there's been a mistake. My YAMI is Ruby, Gold, Black, White, Tan and more Gold. Is this a fluke? 

**A**: O_O You've accidentally been issued a limited PHARAOH YAMI edition. Damn, woman, that's a collector's item! Your YAMI will be more prone to haughty behaviour, silent brooding and calling for his daddy, but as long as you don't run into a ZORK NECROPHADISU unit, he should function pretty much as any regular YAMI would (just give him a wardrobe change... if you _really_ want to... and watch him duel anything on two legs). 

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**Q**: My YAMI's been looking a little lost lately. Is there anything I can do to snap him out of it? 

**A**: You can always set your YAMI up with a TEA unit (in which case you might find your YAMI posing as a decorative statue in your neighbourhood park)... Or if you find that idea totally despicable, just lock him in the broom closet with your YUGI or even a JOUNOUCHI. When you reopen the door in the morning, all will be well (unless, of course, you've accidentally locked them in an air-tight closet, in which case mouth-to-mouth resuscitation might be necessary **smirk**). Arranging a "duel" with a SETO unit should also do the trick. 

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**Q**: I want my HONDA and my YAMI to get along "better", but it's just not working. What should I do? 

**A**: You want to pair your YAMI up with a HONDA? _Why?_ HONDA is much more compatible with a RYOU unit... or even a JOUNOUCHI/SHIZUKA (not at the same time). However, if you have your heart set on that pairing, the locked-in-a-closet (or washroom/library/museum) ploy should work fairly well. Just drift in some romantic music from the ventilation system and check on them in the morning. That should set your problem straight (or crooked, as it were **toothy grin**). 

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**Q**: Wah! I woke up one morning and my YAMI's hair is all limp! How can I fix this? 

**A**: Looks like your YAMI has finally run out of that three tons of hair gel he arrived with. You can either A) buy him more extra-strength hair gel or B) save some money and stick his hand in an electrical socket (Note: Any power outages that might follow are purely incidental and unrelated... really). 

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**Q**: I loaned my YAMI to a friend and when I got him back, he was... scary. His hair's curlier, his eyes wilder and he's got this really creepy smirk. Help? 

**A**: **sighs** Obviously, your friend's a manga fan. Solution: _Don't lend out your YAMI_. You never know in what condition you'll get him back. You're lucky he didn't come back with fangs and an overbite (not to mention in desperate need of a tan). In that case, you might've had to hire one of those underpaid fic authors again, and this time, they might charge you at a rate of 5 reviews per edit. But anyway, yours is a fairly mild "canon" case, so force-feed your YAMI two teaspoons of condensed anime a day, and he should be back to normal in a week. 

  


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**WARRANTEE**

Your YAMI is under warrantee so long as your YUGI unit is functioning properly, so take care of your YUGI and your YAMI will be just fine. In the case that your YUGI should expire (Ra forbid), your YAMI will probably either vanish, disintegrate or return into the Puzzle (which will break unexplainably) until a v2.0 YUGI comes along. Otherwise your YAMI should serve you faithfully for years to come as long as you don't try to usurp his place as King or turn any of his friends into game pieces. 

  


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	2. Bakura

  


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**YAMI (BAKURA): Owner's Guide and Maintenence Manual © 2003 Kazuki Takahashi**

Compiled by Lizeth Hallington @ ww w.geocities.co m/lizeth_hal (take out the spaces)   
Based on series of fics by Theresa Green (id: 416464)   
  


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***** CONGRATULATIONS! *****

You are now the proud owner of a sneaky, sadistic BAKURA. To makes sure that he doesn't get confiscated upon arrival, please follow the directions below. 

**TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS**

Name:_ BAKURA (a.k.a. Thief King, Tomb Raider, Grave Robber, Soul Stealer, He-who-likes-raw-meat)_

Orientation:_ Don't even try. He'll get killed/banished before anything can happen_

Alignment:_ Dark_

Manufacturers:_ Kuru Eruna Corp._

Date of Production: _Undisclosed._

Colouring: _White, with variations of blue, black, brown and green and red_

Height: _5'9"_

Weight: _54 kg_

**INSTALLATION**

Before opening the escape-proof crate we've designed to ship BAKURA in, please nail down all household objects. Let's be frank, your BAKURA has itchy fingers and can find ways to steal just about _everything_. 

With that done, close all the curtains (you don't want any snoopy neighbours finding out that you have a BAKURA... that could lead to... legal complications later on) and open the crate. 

You may, in fact, find it empty. Don't panic, rant, rave or call for your lawyer. This is to be expected. In all likelihood, your BAKURA has merely slipped right out from under your nose like the sneaky little thief that he is. 

Look for him in basements, dark corners, hidden towers, closets and extremely complicated mazes. He likes to disappear and then make dramatic claims that he will "return from the Darkness". Be nice and humour him. 

**ASCESSORIES**

Your BAKURA is equipped with the following items: 

1) Millennium Ring (with homing device) 

2) Knife 

3) Extra knife (in case RYOU gets rid of the first) 

4) Random pointy object on which things can be impaled (in case a knife is not available) 

5) Duel Monster deck 

6) Assortment of voodoo dolls (a.k.a. game pieces) 

7) "How to be a Kleptomaniac" by Rob All 

**COMPATABILITY WITH OTHER UNITS**

There are some models BAKURA seems to interact with more than others. Please refer to the guide below to avoid any dark duels and/or missing body parts. 

RYOU - RYOU is BAKURA's host. They're more or less joined at the hip, whether they like it or not. Imagine, then, being handcuffed to a person for several years. If that doesn't get you to love 'em, it'll certainly get you to hate 'em. 6_6 Or is that the other way around? 

YUGI, TRISTAN, TEA and JOEY - Whadda ya think those voodoo dolls are for? DM cards should also do the trick... 

YAMI (YUGI) - Every relationship is based on a system of give an take. This one is no exception... _except_ maybe for the fact that the scoring in this relationship goes something like "I think I killed him this time. Score another one for me!". Records show that the YAMI model will usually give more than he gets, but that won't stop your devious little devil from trying, now will it? 

SETO - On the rare occasion that your BAKURA will encounter a SETO model, they probably won't interact. Of course, if you have the THIEF BAKURA and a HIGH PRIEST SETO limited editions, _then_ you might want to get out of the house... really fast. Better think up an excuse to tell the army and the navy and disaster control when they show up too. 

MALIK - They seem to be rather compatible and can even be found sharing living space at times. Be forewarned, however, that your BAKURA is prone to throwing himself in the path of MALIK's motorbike just to get the blonde's attention. Pat your BAKURA on the head and tell him flashing anything gold and pyramid-shaped would have sufficed. 

ISHTAR - Well, this relationship's a bit brighter... brighter if you count being blasted into oblivion by a Sun God Card (Ra). No no, kiddies. This is a match made in hell... **thoughtful look** ...Then again... 

PEGASUS - Ever heard the saying, "It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye"? 

**FUNCTION SETTINGS**

PROFESSIONAL THIEF

Shhh! This isn't something to advertise. Your BAKURA can swipe just about everything from office stationary, to toilet paper, to expensive jewellery (unless they're pyramid shaped). Stand back and watch those magic fingers do their work. It'll definitely cuts costs when it comes to Christmas shopping. 

COMPASS

With his Millennium Ring, BAKURA can direct you anywhere you want to go. Here's a guy who'll never have to admit that he's lost or ask for directions at the gas station. 

ITEM FINDER

This works particularly well when tracking other Millennium Items, but it will probably work with other things too. Keys, earrings, contacts... Try it yourself. Just don't make it too obvious that you're losing things on purpose just to keep him occupied. 

SPECIAL EFFECTS PRODUCER

BAKURA is really, _really_ good at designing scary sets. He can do mist, shadow and eye/mouth collages really well. Graveyard scenes are an absolute cinch. Just... don't let him fill up the graveyards himself. 

ACTOR

Your BAKURA is a master of the "innocent act". Often times, this causes the BAKURA model to be mistaken for the RYOU. As you can imagine, this comes in very handy when dealing with... oh, say... police officers? Snoopy schoolmates? Ancient-pharaohs-who'd-just-as-soon-banish-you-as-look-at-you? 

**RECHARGING**

Your BAKURA is pretty much self-sufficient, but he does seem to enjoy eating. Just remember that he's a carnivore (red meat, people... no, just kidding. ^_^). Feed him anything green and you'll find yourself turning miraculously blue. 

**TROUBLESHOOTING & FAQ**

**Q**: **cough** The neighbours are complaining about missing items...   
**A**: **double cough** See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil. 

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**Q**: My BAKURA seems to have a problem clotting... @_@ Should I be worried about blood loss?   
**A**: **Snorts** Don't worry. Bloody bandages around the upper arm seem to be all the rage in fashion. I doubt he's actually still _bleeding_. Just stop letting your BAKURA leaf through fanart. All that propaganda is cementing his warped ideas of beauty. 

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**Q**: Can't I teach my BAKURA to be more sociable?   
**A**: ...Tell him to challenge YAMI to a drinking game.   
Warning: Any mishaps, confessions, or bloodshed that may follow are not accountable on the part of the manufacturers. Advise at your own risk. 

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**Q**: I think BAKURA's been stealing my socks. 

**A**: Hey now, socks go missing all the time. Just because he's the Thief King doesn't mean you can blame him for the disappearance of every little thi- **BAKURA runs by with an armful of laundry**   
~_~ ...Wait, yes you can. 

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**Q**: THE RING! THE RING IS MISSING!   
**A**: Don't worry, the Ring has a built-in homing device and always tries to return to its master. Watch carefully and you might be able to spot it running along on its pointers after your BAKURA. Frankly, it's rather creepy, so tell your BAKURA to keep it secret, and keep it safe... away from any TRISTAN models that might develop the urge to throw the Ring into heavily forested areas (or fiery volcanoes that rhyme with "Count Boom"). 

  


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**WARRANTEE**

Considering BAKURA's track record, we feel it is unnecessary to provide a warrantee. In fact, you'll soon find that he's as omnipresent as a cockroach... nothing short of Armageddon will kill your BAKURA. We do, however, suggest that you advise your neighbours to get good theft insurance. Otherwise, your BAKURA might run out of things to steal waaay too quickly and he'll be forced to relocate to a place with... better game. 

**perky voice** Have a nice day! 

  


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**Author's Notes**: Wah, this is actually hard, you know. x_x I'm sorry this one isn't as long as the previous chapter. I'm working on ISHTAR... but that only 5kb right now. I mean, all _he_ wants to do is kill/banish people! 

**sigh** Oh well, thanks for putting up with me. 

**Thanks to**: 

This section will be up in 24 hours. 


End file.
